Thalia Learns to Cook: Bread! (With slight cheating)

Blah blah blah, it's been too long, life got in the way, I moved and kids take up way more time than they show you on TV. Seriously. Time suck like I never knew.

However, it's spring break!  And you know what that means! Getting drunk on watered down tequila shots while wearing a bikini at 11:15am!

Nope.

It means I get to work from home writing papers and prepping lectures instead of having to put on heels and work from my office.  Hooray!

And! It means I finally get to bake some bread that I've been meaning to try since late December.

Our lovely friends Colin and Liz gave us a traditional "welcome to your new home" present--beer, bread, and salt. The beer was drunk quickly.  The salt is fancy and requires a fancy salt grinder, which I promise to buy at some point in the next, oh, 3-5 years.  The bread looks delicious, but requires some time commitment. Apparently you have to work on it and then wait and then work on it and then wait for several long spans.  Happily, I can write during these waiting periods, so I decided to make bread. For the first time ever. Without a bread machine. And even more happily, since I did not know how to do this or how it would turn out, I thought I would document the process for the blog. In a "Survival of the Scrumptious" first, I'm actually writing parts of this post while in the act of waiting for the bread to rise. You know, instead of revising that manuscript I'm supposed to be rewriting this week.  I'm nothing if not magnanimous.

It's a mix. Slightly cheating. 

10-Grain Bread.  Made from a mix, so I'm not actually getting too fancy here, sorry.

Bob's Red Mill 10 Grain Bread Mix
Makes 1 1/2lb Loaf

Ingredients:

The mix
3TB Canola Oil
1 1/4 Warm tap water.  Why is has to be warm is beyond me, but who am I to question temperature directions on the back of a packet of bread mix?

Method:

1. Combine ingredients, including the nifty packet of yeast that came in the mix, in a separate packet.   Easy enough.

2.  Knead 8-10 minutes. Ok, what is the definition of knead? Do I need a board? Some special equipment? A specific technique?  3 minutes in, and I'm already getting anxious. I decide to do it by hand. My hands get really messy.

Not actually an action shot. 

3. Place in a greased bowl. Cover & Let Rise in a warm place until doubled (approx 90 minutes). I have a few questions here that the back of the label has failed to answer.
             First, what is a greased bowl? Butter? Oil?  I go with butter.
             Second, what is a warm place?  It's winter.  It's cold in my apartment. Ok, it's Spring.  But it's still cold in my apartment.  Should I do something special to make it warmer in some area and then put the covered bowl there?
             Third, how will I be able to tell that it's doubled?  Height? Size in general?  What does it all mean? So many questions!  I just put it in a bowl on my countertop and go write about metarepresentational understanding in preschoolers for 90 minutes.

Ok, after the first 90 minute waiting period, it does not seem any bigger. At all. Maybe my kitchen isn't warm enough? I decide to make some sweet potato fries (what can I say, they're delicious and my little bugger can't get enough of them), and place the bowl in front of the warm toaster oven. (Which, by the way, is the best purchase I've made in years. Roast red peppers! Heat up the baby's food! Make fries!  Actually, the only thing it doesn't do that well is toast bread. Go figure).

Is this doubled? I can't tell. 

4. Punch down, cover and let rise until doubled, approximately 30-40 minutes. OK, not sure what punch down means when it hasn't really risen, but here we go. I get out some aggression and cover it back up.

45 minutes later, in front of the warm toaster oven?  Still not really risen. But hey, in for a penny, in for a pound?  At least it will be a funny kitchen disaster for the blog.

5. Form loaf and place in a greased 9x5x3 bread pan. Grease top of loaf. Cover with plastic wrap and let rise in a warm place until doubled (approximately 45 minutes). 

Now it's in the loaf pan and I'm hoping I won't end up with a hard mass of multigrain mush.

What does it mean to grease the top of the loaf?  I just put more butter on it. Can't go wrong with more butter.

I write about how realistic acting shares characteristics with lying but in the end is a separate cognitive process for 45 minutes.

Ok, the loaf has risen!  Hallelujiah!  But, unfortunately I forgot to preheat my oven. (SHOOT). I didn't realize the next step was to put it in the oven. This is what I get for 1) not reading ahead in my recipe. 2) trying to blog, write a paper, make sweet potato rounds and bake at the same time. Bad Thalia.

Notice both the sweet potatoes and the chunks of butter on top of the bread. 

6. Bake at 375 for 30-40 minutes. 

Moving on... into the oven!

7. Thump top of loaf. A hollow sound indicates a properly baked loaf. 

That's hilarious, but my loaf thumps nicely. Yay!

Holy cow, it worked!

8. Turn out of pan, cover with a towel and cool before slicing. 

Done and done. And, happily, as my recently deceased 99 year old Grandmother would say, it was "Delicious!"  We went out and bought special jam just to eat with it.

Happy bread baking, all!

Delicious!