The Two Best Cream Cheese Frostings EVER: Dulce de Leche and Whipped Cream

Today was not my best day -- my laptop died (RIP Antonio!) just as I was about to make a brilliant scientific discovery (that's what we're calling null effects these days) and shortly thereafter I nearly followed its example on a short 3 mile run (damnit legs! I thought we had a truce!). So, instead of actually addressing any of these issues (anyone wanna buy me a new laptop? Or some bionic legs?) I baked.

I had a vision, but not much more to go on than that -- chocolate cake with dulce de leche frosting.

This post isn't about the cake (my new staple), but about the magical frostings that just kind of inexplicably happened-- dulce de leche cream cheese frosting (important fact: my ipad changes "dulce" to "bruce", so this frosting will from now on be called "bruce") and, perhaps even better, whipped cream cream cheese frosting. Two creams in one. YES.

Unfortunately, but totally consistent with the theme of the day, while the dulce de leche frosting was delicious and provided a nice crumb coat, there wasn't enough of it, nor was it quite stable enough for decorating. So I reached into the vault of frosting recipes I have on hand (hello, google) and found a whipped cream cream cheese frosting.

This is my new favorite thing. I don't know if I can adequately describe my love of this frosting in my current fragile state, so let me just say -- it's amazingly delicious, not too sweet, light and fluffy, and be still my buttercream detesting heart, decorates as well if not better than the comparatively tasteless butter monstrosity (speaking of, I have 5 pounds of butter in my fridge. Ideas? Suggestions? Requests?).

Things seemed to finally be going my way -- my day took a definite turn for the better when I tasted these delicious frostings! I frosted and decorated my cake, reveled in the beauty of it, tasted the delicious frostings, reached for the lid to my cake carrier, and... well... gravity is such an asshole. Note to self: Do not keep cake carrier on top of the kitchen cabinet.

I have high hopes for tomorrow.

Sorry about the lack of pictures -- I didn't realize these recipes would be post-worthy until it was too late. Instead here is a picture of penguin duct tape. I'm calling it Bruce. 

Dulce de leche frosting (or, Bruce): 

Ingredients: 
2 cans sweetened condensed milk
2 8-oz blocks of cream cheese

First, make the dulce de leche--don't be scared! It's incredibly easy and everyone will be wildly impressed. Pour the milk into the top of a double broiler and cook it for an hour or hour and a half, stirring occasionally and adding water to the bottom of the double boiler as needed until the milk turns a light caramel color and thickens up. Let it cool.

Whip the cream cheese until light and fluffy. Add in the dulce de leche and whip!

Note: It might be a better consistency for decorating if I had used either 3 blocks of cream cheese or didn't use all the dulce de leche. I didn't try either, but if you do, let me know how it goes!

Whipped Cream Cream Cheese Frosting: 

Ingredients: 
1- 8oz block of cream cheese
1/2 c sugar
1 t vanilla
pinch of salt
2 c heavy cream

Whip the cream cheese, sugar, vanilla and salt until light and fluffy.

Add the cream and slowly mix to incorporate. Once it's combined, ramp up the speed and whip like mad until the frosting is nice and thick, about 2-3 minutes.