Survival of the Scrumptious: Thalia Learns to Cook: Fish is dangerous.

Thalia Learns to Cook: Fish is dangerous.

Recipes and examples of dishes I can now make! Taken from a variety of sources and changed according to my abilities, needs, and dislike of doing dishes.

Today with bonus horror story of epic proportions.

So I have a bit of time this week (finally!) and have actually remembered to take pictures while cooking. It’s not that I haven’t been cooking. In fact, I’ve been cooking a good amount. It’s just that two things have gotten in the way of my putting together fabulous blog posts. 1) I haven’t been experimenting or trying anything new. Everything I made is something I’ve made a bunch before. So, it’s not really that interesting in my opinion. Which brings up a slight digression- once you really get in to cooking- once you know what you are doing and how to do it- cooking takes on a more meditative state. It’s not an actively attention needing activity. Instead, you can ease into it, do it while doing something else simultaneously, and then move on. Not very interesting to write blog posts about. So, you can blame my not providing you with any new content at all on my not wanting to provide you with boring content. It’s you I’m thinking of!

OK, and 2) when I have attempted something new, or something has gone horribly wrong, which would make a good post, I didn’t take pictures. And what is a blog, dear reader, without pictures? Nothing. So, yeah, sorry about that.

But now! I have made something new! Fish! Specifically, bluefish with herb, lemon and olive oil. And it was dangerous. In fact, it recalled a little too specifically, my most dangerous cooking experience ever.

Ingredients: (recipe from Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything)

Bluefish fillet (although the recipe says mackerel will work as well)

Lemon

Fresh herbs. I used Rosemary, Sage and Tarragon, but others such as Chives, Parsley, etc will work well.

Olive oil

Special Tools: (If you want to be all fancy about it. I’m sure you could figure out other ways to get around having to use these).

Microplane zester

Sillicone brush

Method:

Zest the lemon into a bowl. I love the microplane zester. Although I don’t think I use it correctly. (I can never remember if you’re supposed to move the food or the zester. I do some combination).

Add 3 tablespoons of EVOO.

Juice the lemon into the bowl. Fun tip: Cut the lemon the long way. I used to cut it the short way, despite my husband’s many protestations. Don’t know why it made more sense to me at the time, but now that I have learned to cut lemons and limes the long way, it makes much much more sense.

Cut up the herbs.

Fun tip! If you just take all the fresh herbs and roll them together, you can cut them up really easily. No more chopping and chopping and chopping required. Hooray! Unless that’s how you get your frustrations out. Then, go forth.

Mix together the herbs, lemon, lemon juice, olive oil, creating sort of a paste/ sauce.

Spread the mixture on to the fish. First on the skin, then flip it over and put a lot on the flesh side.

OK, here’s where it gets dangerous. This is the part of the post you came to see.

There has been, for 12 years now, a word that strikes fear into my heart. I quiver when I read it in a recipe. And that word is: BROIL. (ugh).

Here’s why.

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When I was but a wee college student- a sophomore – I had my first off campus apartment with two good friends (to protect the innocent- “J” and “S”). Being the mature and sophisticated ladies that we were, we decided to make ourselves a delicious dinner before the start of classes. I should pause here and say that my roommates both cooked regularly. At that time I was still in overcooked pasta and grocery store sushi- land. I hated cooking because I was terrible at it.

So, I was (for some unfathomable reason) put in charge of the main dish. We decided on Salmon broiled with Lime and Pear. Sounds delicious!

Think to yourselves about college off campus apartments. Not the most well kept of places. Not that this matters too much in the story, but just to set the scene.

I can’t remember almost anything about the recipe. It involved using lime juice on the fish, and then putting limes and pears in the pan with the fish that went into the oven. To broil, specifically. So, I followed the recipe to the best of my ability, until it came time to put it in the oven. 6 inches below the broiler using a broiler pan. The problem? We did not own, or really even know, what a broiler pan was. We think it must be close to a regular cookie sheet or something, and we use that.

We put the salmon, limes with juice and pears into the oven. And confidently close the door all the way. A few minutes later, the smoke alarm goes off. This being a college apartment, the smoke alarm goes off when someone boils water. We ignore it. A few minutes later, it goes off again and we smell a bit of smoke, so someone asks if perhaps checking the salmon would be a good idea.

I check the salmon. I gingerly open the oven door.

FLAMES SHOOT OUT.

AHHH!!! The salmon is on fire! We quickly scream, turn off the oven, and open the oven door completely. The entire pan is on fire. We start to panic. We open the front door to try and get out some of the smoke.

As this happens, our next door neighbors are coming home. They see through the now open door that we may be having a bit of trouble with our dinner. They come in to try to help.

Grabbing some towels, next door neighbor is about to put the still on fire pan under water, until someone smart remembers that grease fires will only get terribly terribly worse if put under water. We all yell, and he stops.

J pulls out the fire extinguisher, since the pan is still on fire.

“Wait!” S says. “That fish was really expensive! Don’t use the fire extinguisher, you’ll ruin it!” She has a point.

We decide to put another pan on top of the STILL ON FIRE pan to try and quash it. At this point, the fire goes out and we all breathe a sigh of relief. Except the next door neighbors. They laugh at us like the idiots we are, and go back to their apartment. We never really speak to them again, except to leave them brownies as thanks. It was awkward.

In the end, we scrape off the burnt part of the salmon, which actually wasn’t that deep (it was mostly lime juice and olive oil that was on fire, and it burned away) and eat our fancy dinner. It turned out to be pretty good. We don’t attempt another fancy meal the rest of the time we live in the apartment. This episode remains one of our favorite stories- the Flaming Salmon Dinner.

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So what does this have to do with dinner last night? This recipe should also be broiled. I decide to risk it. This time, I put a rack on top of a pan and place the fish on the rack. This way, drippings drip through and don’t stay so close to the heat source.

I also only put the fish in for three minutes before I check it.

HOWEVER, before I even check it the first time, I start to hear some… noises. Pops. Flashes. Small explosions. Yeah, the fish is sparking. It’s not on fire yet. But yet is the key word in that sentence.

Crap.

I turn off the oven. Ed pulls out the fish. We decide baking is just as good as broiling. We put the fish back into the nice center of the oven, and turn it on “bake” rather than “broil”. We bake it for 15 minutes.